A Story of Perfectionism

Are you a perfectionist?? I became a perfectionist my freshman year of high school. In the same day I landed the lead role in the school play, I also learned that I was academically ranked number one in my class. For four years, I made it my mission to keep my rank while staying well rounded. Yes, I was a perfectionist. I never got a B in high school. I did my best. I performed. I pleased. I satisfied. I moved up.

When I got to UVA I quickly stopped considering myself a perfectionist. I remember getting somewhere in the 40s on an organic chemistry test (under the tutelage of a professor who was nominated for the Nobel Prize). Epic failure. I could not compete with the foreign students who outsmarted me by leaps and bounds. Nevertheless, I did my best. I performed. I pleased. I satisfied. I moved up.

In graduate school, I was surrounded by people who were just like me. Type A meets well rounded. Anyone who wants to be a PA naturally wishes to strike a balance between work and outside obligations (aka – life!). Because of the nature of our class (which was really more like a close knit family), we all worked together and brought out the best in one another. There was no longer a need to be “perfect.” We had a shoulder to lean on, a friend to consult, and there was always a yin to our yang. I always did my best. I performed and got my degree. I pleased and landed a great job. I satisfied and won the respect of my patients. I moved up and got married.

Now that I’m married I’m coming full circle. Compared to my laid back husband, my type A tendencies are shining through. I love the balance that we strike. He is a wonderful reminder to stop and enjoy the journey. I have learned so many lessons simply by sitting back and observing. In many ways, I owe my success to my perfectionistic tendencies. Now that I’m where I always dreamed that I would be, I’m much more content with improving myself for me. I do my best. I perform to share my talents. In doing so, I am pleased. It is satisfying to see what I can do and intriguing to strive to improve.

I love this quote that a friend shared from “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. If you feel the need to be perfect, I challenge you to read and dissect each word in the excerpt below. To me, it is a brilliant reminder to second guess our motives, a lesson in relaxation, and the beginning to self-discovery.

“Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused—How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused—What will they think?”